


Marvel Cinematic Universe Drabbles

by beatlelover22



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Allergies, Captain America: The First Avenger, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Cold, Common Cold, F/M, Hulk Needs a Hug, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, Iron Man 1, M/M, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Science Bros, Sick Bruce Banner, Sick Bucky Barnes, Sick Loki, Sick Steve Rogers, Sick Tony, Sick Tony Stark, Sickfic, Sneezing, sick thor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2020-05-19 22:26:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 11,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19365103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beatlelover22/pseuds/beatlelover22
Summary: Even heroes get sick sometimes.





	1. Chapter 1

Clint’s hand rested on the door knob as he thought about what to do next.

“I wouldn’t go in there if I were you,” Tony said as he passed by. “She hates being sick, everyone knows that. Let sleeping dogs lie.”

Clint rolled his eyes. Nobody knew Natasha like he did and really, who listened to Tony’s advice anyway? He opened the bedroom door.

Natasha had kicked off all the blankets and was lying in bed in a tank top and her underwear. Clint was at her side in an instant. “Oh, Tasha…” His hand fluttered to her forehead and she weakly pushed him away. 

“Leave be alode,” she said with a liquid sniffle. “I’b sigg.“

Clint sat on the edge of the bed, deeply concerned. “I know. Why didn’t you call me?”

“Because I dod’t like whed people—” Her nose wrinkled and she turned away from him, quickly bringing her hand up to her face. “ _Hh’ **SCH!**  Hap’ **SHOO!**  Nn’ **CH!**_ ”

“Bless you.”

She shivered, rubbing her itchy nose. “Everythig hurds.”

“You’re probably all achy because you have the flu. Just go to sleep.”

Natasha shot him a watery glare and sniffled. “I cad’t!”

“Huh, OK. Do you mind if I play with your hair?” He asked innocently enough, so she nodded. “My brother used to sing to me when I was sick.”

“Oh god… doe singig, please. Wait—” She brought a manicured hand up to her nose and stifled three sneezes in quick succession. “ _ **CHH!**  Hp’ **SHHT!!**  Nn’ **TT!**_ ”

Clint pretended to look hurt. “I’m a great singer! Anyway, it’s like this.” 

As he gently combed through her fiery hair with his fingers, the archer began to sing, softly. 

_“While the moon her watch is keeping, all through the night. While the weary world is sleeping, all through the night. O’er they spirit, gently stealing, visions of delight revealing, breathes a pure and holy feeling…”_

Clint watched as Natasha’s breathing slowed, then bent over to kiss her flushed cheek. “All through the night.”


	2. Re: The Lack of Tissues in Labs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Science bros fluff in which Tony has a cold.

It had been a long night for Tony Stark.

Going to bed early was his initial plan, but it essentially ended up with him thrashing around and waking up in a cold sweat. It was some whacked out fever dream about animatronic singing and dancing animals, enough to leave anyone screaming.

So, to combat the insomnia and psychological effects of his fever, Tony stayed busy in his lab.

“Your body temperature has risen to 101.3 degrees Fahrenheit,” JARVIS informed him.

Tony didn’t stopped tinkering with the smaller pieces of metal he was using. “D-dot dow, JARVIS.” 

His breath hitched dangerously and Tony attempted to rub his nose into his shoulder, so as not to lose any of the progress he had already made.

“As you wish, sir.”

“ _Ehh! Heh! Heh’ **NNCH!**  Ah’ **SSHH!**  Huh… huhH! Hih’ **XXT!**_ ” The man’s hands shook as he sneezed, causing the mini project to crumble. 

“God dabbit.” He swiped at his nose, searching for some tissues. Who would keep tissues in a lab? Not Tony, apparently.

He found some napkins and buried his nose in them, blowing noisily. Unfortunately, this had the adverse effect as he ended up sneezing again. 

“ _Heh’ **TCH!**  Hh’ **NGGT!**_ ” Tony usually sneezed in threes, so he waiting, nostrils quivering. The fit ended in a shuddery sigh of defeat.

“Can’t sleep?”

Tony’s eyes flicked towards the entrance, where Bruce Banner was casually making his way over. Tony sniffled discreetly, rubbing the tip of his nose with his sweatshirt sleeve. “I cad sleep whed I’b dead.”

Bruce squinted at him in the dim lighting, coming closer. “Are you… have you been crying?”

“Have I been—? Whad? Doe!” Tony’s nose was itching something fierce and he felt his eyes water. “Oh… this,” he said, pointing to his red-rimmed eyes.

All at once, Bruce seemed to understand. “Oh. Are you sick?”

“Mr. Stark has an acute case of the common cold with a fever of 101.3 degrees Fahrenheit,” JARVIS chirped, causing Bruce to raise his eyebrows.

“JARVIS!” Tony snapped, rubbing his face tiredly. “I told you t-to..” 

He trailed off, eyes glazing over. Tony feebly rubbed at his nose, only magnifying the tickle. “ _Hah’ **ATCH!**  Hur’ **ESHH!**  Ahh… ahhH!_” He felt himself gasp, desperate for a reprieve. 

_Well this is embarrassing,_  he thought as his nose twitched. “ _Nn’ **CHH!**_ ” Face flushed, he gave a thick sniffle and reached in his pocket for the napkin.

“Bless you,” Bruce said politely. “I think you should get some rest.”

“I cad’t,” Tony admitted. “Keep having weird dreams.”

Bruce nodded, completely understanding. 

“I know how you feel, really,” he said. “During my time in India, I— well, a friend recommended a type of tea for me and I think it’d help you sleep, actually. It’s called Tulsi. I have some in my room. I could fix you a cup.“

Tony started to decline, but had a change in heart. “Thad would be great.  _HahH!_ ” He pressed the crumpled up tissue to his red nose and exhaled slowly, staving off the sneeze. “Thad would be great.”


	3. And It's Contagious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Thor and Tony play Mario Kart.

“ _Huh! Huh’ **ESHOOO!**_ ” Thor gave a loud, thunderous sneeze and growled as his Kart fell off Rainbow Road.

Tony smirked. “Id’s dot by fault you’re a terrible driver.”

“Ha!” The god scoffed. “This road is merely too narrow for any vehicle to maneuver safely on. A road made of water droplets is not something to guarantee safe passage.”

“Well, id’s—  _ihh’ **SHNT!**  Hep’ **CH!**  Huhh… huh’ **NXT!**_ “

“Bless you, sir!” JARVIS responded politely.

Thor grinned and pointed at the ceiling. “That is a very handy machine! Courteous too.”

“JARVIS wouldn’t have to bless me had you dot sdeezed od me ad the meetig two days ago,” Tony said, with a roll of his eyes. 

Thor chuckled. “It is not my fault you—” His nostrils suddenly twitched and he sneezed into his arm. “ _Heh’ **KSHHH!**_  I did not get you sick, Stark.”

“Yeah, id was jusd a coincidence I’b sdeezing by  _h-hehhh.._. head off!” He rubbed his nostrils, annoyed.

“In fact,” Thor said, sniffling, “I daresay it was you who passed this insufferable human disease on to me. It most certainly did not come from my planet.”

“Eved if it was by fault, I’d be doing you a favor because you can’t get colds on your planet. So ha! Uh… C-cad you…” Tony’s eyes glazed over, but Thor understood. He handed the box of tissues to Tony, who proceed to grab about 12. “ _Hh’ **NCH!**  Het’ **NXT!**  Hihhh… hiHH_—”

“Bless you,” Thor said helpfully.

“Damn, you!” Tony snapped, eyes watering. “I had to sdeeze ad you ruined id!”

“Again, I am failing to see how this is in any way my faul—  _Hur’ **ESHHHOOO!**_ ”

“ _Ehhh_ …”

“ _H-hhh_ …”

“ _Ek’ **TSHHOO!**_ ”

“ _Hh’ **GNTT!** Er’ **KXTT!**_ ”

“Bless you,” JARVIS replied in an automated tone.

“I sdill think this is your fault,” Tony told Thor, passing him the tissues. “There’s odly one way to settle this: you, be, and Defino Square. Let’s go.”


	4. Stealthy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Clint has a nasty cold and tries to be sneaky.

“So we have to break idto a hospital? I don’t understad why we took this job,” Clint grumbled, quickly rubbing the underside of his nose. He pulled his sheath of arrows closer to his back and adjusted his hoodie so that most of his face was covered.

“Clint, we’re not really breaking in. Just delivering a message to a dignitary. Without being seen,” Natasha clarified as they walked alongside the building’s exterior.

“So… breaking id?”

“Just be quiet. I can barely understand you anyway,” Natasha snapped, and suddenly pulled Clint into the shadows with her. 

He naturally got into a low crouch and watched as an unsuspecting nurse walked by. Before the guy had time to pull out a cancer stick, Natasha had already hit him mercilessly in the back of the head. Clint watched his knees buckle as he fell to the pavement. Clint’s eyes started to water and not because he felt any sympathy to the poor sap lying on the concrete.

“ _Hehh.. hh’ **SHH!**_ ”

“Come on,” Natasha pulled him to his feet. “And for the love of God, don’t breathe on me.”

Clint pouted, sniffling a bit. “Bud Tasha… I’b dot really—  _hep’ **CHUHH!**_ ” He just barely brought his free hand up in time.

The Black Widow scoffed as she used the nurse’s badge to open the door. “Save it, Barton. You cannot honestly tell me you’re not sick.”

He stared into her eyes, his eyes watering. “I’b dot— oh, hang od a second.” Clint’s eyes fluttered shut and he quickly turned away from her. “ _Hah’ **NXT!**_ ”

The pair stepped into the back hallway and the automatic door shut neatly behind them. “He’s on this floor, the next hallway over. We just need to—”

This time, it was Clint to drag her out of sight. They both tumbled into the nearest supply closet, Clint quickly finding his balance and quietly shutting the door. He could feel Natasha’s chest rising and falling with her breaths. Likewise, they were so close together, she could feel immediately as his breath started to hitch.

“ _Hehh… hahhhh.._.”

“Oh God, Clint, not now!” she hissed at him, feeling the panic set in.

“I cad’t _h-hehhh_ … help id!” Even in the darkness, Natasha could see his nostrils flaring, desperately begging for a reprieve. “ _Ihhh… hehhhH!_ ”

Natasha sighed, annoyed, and pinched his nose shut for him, letting him pant in defeat until he was finally able to stifle. “ _Hehhh! Hurr’ **SCHH!**  Ep’ **SHXTTT!**  Nn’ **CHT!**_ ”

She whispered in his ear. “You done?”

His rapidly falling chest was her answer. “ _Kuh’ **TSCHH!**_ ”


	5. Watch Your Aim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Clint tries to argue with Natasha.

“Where’s Barton?” Natasha Romanoff directed her inquiry at a new-looking agent working on a computer.

“Uh… where else? His nest.” He gestured up and Natasha followed his gaze. Indeed, Clint Barton was perched in the rafters, doing what looked like target practice. They watched him take aim, squint his eyes closed and… his head bobbed forward, shoulders folding in. “Fuck.”

She just barely heard him whisper the curse word. The young woman turned on her heel and began her journey up.

* * *

“Clint.”

The young man started and nearly lost his balance. He steadied himself and rolled his eyes at her grin. “Dot fuddy.”

“Hey,” she said, eyebrows furrowing in suspicion. “Are you sick?”

“Doe.” He tried to duck out of the way when Natasha’s hand reached out, aiming for his forehead, but he ended up sneezing instead. “ _Hh’ **KNX!**  Hehh! Het’ **SHHT!”**_

“Bless you,” she said, hand tightening around his jacket sleeve and steadying him. “You feel warm.”

“H-hang od,” Clint managed to tell her before his eyes glossed over. “ _Hahhh… hat’ **XXT!**_ ”

Natasha shook her head. “You’re coming down right now.”

“Bud Datasha—”

She glared at him and as if by magic, his mouth closed again.


	6. The Match Isn't Over Yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Steve has a cold and wants to keep sparring while Bucky and Thor communicate with eyebrows.

“ _Heh’ **TSHHH!**_ ”

Thor stopped and stared at his fellow Avenger. “Blessings, Steve.”

Steve sniffled, looking annoyed. “You don’t have to stop trying. C’mon, let’s practice!”

The God of Thunder nodded and feigned to the left. Steve was only hit once, but it was enough for him to blink his eyes and really try to focus. Unfortunately, his nose had other plans. 

“ _Ihh… hih’ **TISHHOO!** Ehhh… ahH!  **ASHHH!**  Hur’ **ESHH!**_ ” Steve panted, breathless, as Thor looked on curiously. 

“To your health?” Thor meant it as a statement but it came out as an inquiry. Behind the ring, he saw the captain’s closest friend, Bucky, approach.

Bucky raised his eyebrows at Thor who nodded at him.

“ _Ehh’ **NGT!**_ ”

“Steve.” Bucky spoke with a cool, collected tone.

“Whad?” the first Avenger nearly snapped, swiping his hand under his nose and turning to face his friend. “I’b fide.”

“You’re miserable,” he corrected. “Let’s go home.” Bucky ducked under the ring’s ropes and put an arm around him. “C’mon,” he urged, giving Thor a small smile of assurance. “Let’s go home.”

Steve obliged, sniffling.


	7. Gettin' Sleepy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Steve and Thor spar again (and Steve is getting over a cold).

After things had settled down after Loki’s attempted take-over of the world, Steve started to get lazy. He was never in fact lazy, merely felt like it. As a solution to this “problem,” he’d taken up sparring with Thor, who was more than happen to practice with him.

However, on this particular day, Steve was fighting a nasty cold. He wasn’t about to give up on his workout regimen.

Guard up, Steve bounced on his feet a bit, studying Thor’s bulkier movements. “ _Heh’ **ISHHH!**_ ” Steve turned his head to the side and sneezed. Thor watched on curiously, too respectful to try and advance while Steve’s guard was down.

“To your health,” Thor blessed him, to which Cap nodded. “Thanks.”

A few punches later, Steve’s nose began itching again. He held up a finger, meekly telling Thor to wait. “ _Hur’ **ESHHH!** Et’ **CH!**_ ”

The bell rang, sounding the end of their match, and Thor relaxed his guard. Steve rubbed his nose, sniffling. “Sorry,” he apologized. “I can’t seem to kick this cold. Excuse m—” he managed before turning away again. “ _Hh’ **ISHHHOO!**_ ”

“Understandable. You ready for another bout?” he inquired, concerned with the way Steve’s nostrils were flaring again.

Steve grinned. “Why? You gettin’ sleepy?”


	8. Floral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More science bros (or the one in which Tony has allergies and uses a floral handkerchief).

“Oh, joy,” Tony said to himself. “Spring time.”

“What was that?” Bruce asked, pushing his glasses farther up the bridge of his nose.

Tony joined his colleague on the terrace, over-looking the city, and sniffed thickly. “Just my allergies bothering me a little.”

“Did you take your meds?” Bruce asked, jotting something down in a notebook. He was a bit surprised when Tony shook his head.

“No. They make me—”

Bruce watched curiously as Tony’s eyelids fluttered shut and he nearly dived into the crook of his elbow. “ _Heh’ **ISHHH!**  Hh’ **SHHOOO!** Hur’ **ESHHOOO!**_ ” 

The man rubbed his irritated nose and continued. “They make me lethargic. I’ve got things to take  _cuhh_ …  _hep’ **SHOO!**_  care of.”

“Here.” Bruce handed him a handkerchief, which the other man accepted. “Does Pepper know you don’t take them?”

Tony glared at him, but it was difficult to look intimidating behind a floral handkerchief. “No. And she’s not gonna know.  _Ehk’ **USHHOO!**_ ”


	9. Ragweed Woes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which ragweed is Tony's kryptonite and Tony is Steve's kryptonite.

“Knock, knock,” Steve said playfully before opening the door to Tony’s study.

Tony grumbled. “C’mon. You’re like the daddest dad of them all.”

He was tinkering with some project Steve didn’t quite understand all the way, but whatever it was, Tony was absorbed in it — in his own little world.

“I just came in to see if you wanted lunch,” Steve said, embracing Tony from behind. He kissed him on the check. “Ham sandwich?”

“How about marinated t-tofu,” Tony suggested, breath hitching. “S-sorry, babe.”

Steve knew Tony was about to sneeze before he actually did, in part because Steve was wrapped around him. As Tony’s breath caught, time seemed to slow and Steve closed his eyes as Tony’s abs clenched and his head snapped forward in a ticklish fit.

“ _Hih’ **GNNT!**  Hahh… hah! Hah’ **SSHT!** Nn’ **CHH!**_ ”

“Bless,” Steve whispered, kissing Tony’s jaw. “Your allergies?”

Tony gave an embarrassed sniffle and tried to wiggle out of Steve’s grasp. “Yup. Ragweed’s killing me today.” He ducked out of Steve’s embrace to snatch a tissue out of the box.

A few seconds into blowing his nose, he was at it again. “ _Hh’ **TCHH!** Hih’ **XXXT!** Hahh… heh!_”

“Bless you.”

Tony held up a trembling finger but Steve already knew. Tony always sneezed in threes.

“ _ **TTSZHSH!**_ ”

“That looked like it hurt,” Steve said, his hand resting on Tony’s back as he continued to blow.

“By sinuses are od fire,” Tony moaned, letting himself lean into Steve’s chest.

“I know,” Steve sighed. “I remember when I used to have allergies. Pre-serum, they were pretty bad and—”

“Oh,  _sh-shahhh_ … shud up,” Tony snapped. “Just because you’re a special sndowflake with doe allergies—  _hih’ **NNSHHH!**   **XXSSHT!** Hur’ **SHHHP!**_ ”

“God bless,” Steve said sympathetically. “Want me to fix some tea with your lunch?”

Tony just nodded, half-heartedly tossing his tissue in the direction of the trash can.


	10. Let Me Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Science bros sneezes (or the one in which Bruce is embarrassed of his sneezes).

“ _Hhnngg’ **CHH!**_ ” Bruce pinched his nostrils shut yet again. He’d been sneezing his head off all day and stifling every single one. Tony, who was comfortably seated in the chair beside him, had held back reprimanding Bruce until now.

“Bruce. For God’s sake, let your sneezes out.”

“Bud I cad’t… you kdow  _th-thaahh… Ak’ **KSHHT!**_ ” He cruelly shoved his knuckles under his nose, barely stifling.

Tony rolled his eyes. ”Seriously, this is ridiculous. I have more than one box of tissues, you know. If that’s the problem…”

“Id’s dot. I’b jusd… well, you kdow.”

“No, I don’t. Enlighten me.”

“ _Iihh… ihhHH! Ixx’ **SHHHT!**_ ”

“No, no,” Tony shook his head. “I said, ‘enlighten me,’ not sneeze on me.”

“Sorry,” the other man mumbled. “Bud I’b jusd worried the ‘other guy’ will cobe oud. You dever really d-dnow…” 

A newly discovered tickle entering his nose, Bruce’s watery eyes widened in surprise and he frantically brought his hand up to his face.

“Oh no you don’t,” Tony interjected, grabbing Bruce’s wrists lightning fast.

Forced to sneeze openly, without stifling, the young man let out three desperate sneezes. “ _Ehhh’ **EKKKSHHHHOO!** Hah’ **ASSHHHHH!** Hur’ **USHHHUHHH!**_ ”

“Bless you. See? That wasn’t so bad. And you’re only looking a little green. I’m guessing you have mild nausea?”

“Jusd a headache really.”

Tony squeezed his hand. “It’ll be okay.”


	11. Immune System of Iron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a freak storm happens.

“What the hell happened to you?!” Bruce asked as soon as Tony opened the door.

Tony was covered from head to toe in mud and dirt and there was water dripping from his nose, hair and eyelashes.

“A freak storm happened,” the philanthropist grouched, stomping inside and slamming the door. He sat down in a chair and kicked off his boots.

“Poor baby,” Bruce cooed. “Soaked to the bone, I’m sure.”

“Oh, shhh… sh-shut up, Banner.  _Hehh… He’h **ESSHHHOO!**_ ” He sneezed into his shoulder and sniffed.

“You’ve literally got dirt all over yourself. I mean, how is it even possible to get dirt in your ears?” Bruce cautiously approached his friend and pulled up a chair. “Here.” He pulled out a piece of cloth and began to wipe Tony’s face. He jerked away.

“I don’t need your help!”

“You’re just in a bad mood, let me wipe this stuff off!”

“No!”

“Yes.

“Fine.” Tony folded his arms across his chest as Bruce rubbed as his cheeks, under his eyes, forehead, nose. 

“ _HuHH!_ ” Tony attempted to pull back as Bruce began rubbing at his nose. “That t-tickles…” he managed to get out before exploding. “ _Hehh’ **ESSCHHH!**   **ESHHHOOO!**  Hah’ **CHOOOOSHHHH’** hhuh!_”

Bruce smirked, almost devilishly. “Sounds like Iron Man’s immune system is not made of iron.”


	12. No More Illusions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor rolled his eyes. “Loki, enough with the trickery. I see through your magic.”
> 
> Loki sighed heavily and blinked. “Suit yourself.”
> 
> With a flash, the illusion disappeared and instead, Loki was leaning up against the harsh walls, rubbing his nose miserably. His hair was tangled with intricate knots and drifted went well past his shoulders. Blood covered his hands and there were deep gouges in his arms. Aside from this, he obviously was quite ill.

“Loki.”

“Thor.”

Well, this was awkward. Thor hadn’t spoken to his brother in weeks since the incident. Since then, Loki had been locked up in the dungeons with the rest of the criminals. Thor stared at his brother’s icy ices. The lingering smirk… was that the face of a traitor?

“You look… well,” Thor said, merely testing the waters.

“You look like you need a  _huh!_ Haircut,” Loki steadied his voice and took a step closer to the glass. “Perhaps you can get the Lady  _S-sahhh.._. Sif to tr-trim it for you.”

Although voice quivered, his face remained unchanged. Thor rolled his eyes. “Loki, enough with the trickery. I see through your magic.”

Loki sighed heavily and blinked. “Suit yourself.”

With a flash, the illusion disappeared and instead, Loki was leaning up against the harsh walls, rubbing his nose miserably. His hair was tangled with intricate knots and drifted went well past his shoulders. Blood covered his hands and there were deep gouges in his arms. Aside from this, he obviously was quite ill.

His nose was tinged pink, obviously irritated, and his lips were chapped.

Loki studied his brother’s face carefully. “Would you rather me regenerate the illusion?”

Thor swallowed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh, no. I believe I’d rather see an image of reality than one of nonsense.”

“Th-this prison-cell-is-nonsense,” Loki tumbled over the words in a rush to get them out. “ _Hh’ **hHNNGGT!**_ ”

“You should not hold them in,” Thor told him. “It is bad for your health.”

“I don’t know Thor, I do fear dank cells are worse for my well-being, wouldn’t you agree?” 

He sniffled and ran a long finger beneath his nose. “ _Ehhh! Hiiihhh_ … Damn! I truly despise when that  _hahhh_ … h-happens!”

Thor shuffled his feet. “I can arrange an audience with Father to—”

His brother sucked in a quick breath before ducking into the crook of his elbow. “ _ **GNNNXXXT!**  Eh… hehh! Heh’ **GNNT!**  Kh’s **SHHH!**_ ”

Three tickly sneezes later and Loki is sniffling desperately behind his wrist, trying to preserve what little ego he has left.

“Bless you,” Thor mentioned as casually as he could.

Loki snorted, then immediately regretted it. “Practicing some of those  _ehh_ … Earth habits for your little Earthling fr-friend?  _Hah’ **GNXXT!**_ ” He punctuated his sentence with a barely stifled sneeze.

“Yes,” Thor said, practically beaming.

“You st-stupid o-oaf…” Loki murmured, massaging the bridge of his nose. “ _Hehh… Hiiiihh! Hah’ **ISHHHH!**_ ”


	13. Getting through the First Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki tries to read "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" to his brother.

“ _Hahh… hIH! Hhh’ **KSIHHHHH!**_ ” Thor sneezed into his hands, oblivious of Loki’s grand entrance.

“Hello, Thor.”

“Brother? Whad are you doig here?”

Thor was living with Jane now and Loki wasn’t a usual visitor.

“I’ve come to… take care of you I suppose, seeing as that wench Jane hasn’t done a thing.”

“You will say doe such words aboud her! Jade is simbly busy with her w-work.  _Heh’ **ATCH!**_ ” He sniffled. “She doesn’t deed to worry aboud be.”

“God, you’re the same as you were in childhood. Your nose is practically dripping!” Loki tossed him a handkerchief. “Here, blow your nose, then I shall read to you.”

Thor did as instructed, then settled back to hear his brother read, without argument.

“Mr. and Mrs. Dursley—”

“ _Hehh… heh’ **ASHHHHOOO! ATSCHH!**_ ”

Loki started a bit, not expected the loud noise, then began again. “‘Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last—”

“I ab goig to —  _hurr’ **ESHHHUHH!**_ ”

“Yes, thank you for the update.” Sarcasm dripped from his voice.

“I jusd thought I should warn you seeing as lasd tibe you jumbed.”

“As I was saying. They were the last people you’d expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn’t hold—”

“ _ **GHISHHHOOO!**_ ”

“Thor, the handkerchief is for sneezing into, not holding on to for fun!”

“My apologies, Brother.” He blew his nose.

“Are you quite finished?”

“ _Hihh… hihH! **ISHHHHH!**_ Now I ab.”

Loki exhaled loudly. “I will never reach the introduction of Dumbledore much less Harry if you keep this up,” he scolded. 

In return, Thor’s cheeks blushed pink.


	14. God Bless America!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor tries to break Loki out of prison while suffering from a massive headcold.

“You’re breaking me out of prison?” Loki scoffs, rolling his eyes. “You must be truly desperate.”

“Let us go,” Thor hisses as the prison’s barrier disintegrates. 

“ _Hehh’ **ETSCHUUH!**_ ”

“And ill,” Loki notes, stepping down and following his brother out. “Have you been kissing that mortal again? Turns out, mortal diseases can be passed on. They’re very contagious, so I’ve heard.”

“Loki!” Thor means this as a whisper, but it comes out far louder than he means. “We are trying to escape discreetly.”

“That’s going to be difficult, what with your—”

“ _Hhh’ **ETSCHHH!**_ ”

“Yes, that.”

* * *

The pair sneak down a long corridor, Thor sniffing all the while. He pauses and his eyes squeeze shut, gearing up for another sneeze. Loki sees the opportunity and takes it, morphing into a familiar face. When Thor recovers and opens his eyes, he’s far from amused.

“Mmm… this costume… it’s so tight.” Loki is marching around, not as himself, but as Captain America. “I can feel the righteousness surging through my veins!”

“Loki…” Thor says in a warning tone.

“How about we have a conversation about truth? Honor? Patriotism.”

“I am warning you, Brother.”

“God bless America!”

“ _Hurr’ **EHSSCHHHH!**_ ”

“God bless you, more like. Is that not the Earth blessing offered when one happens to snee—” Loki is cut off by Thor’s enormous hand covering his mouth.

The two tumble into the nearest closet and that’s when Loki can hear the guards approaching. He morphs back into his own form.

The closet is unbearably small and the two brothers are closer together than they would ever hope to be. The guards march down the hall and seem to stop directly in front of their hiding place.

“Why stop here?” Loki whispers. “It’s not as if— oh no.” He feels Thor tense up against him. “Please. Now is not the time.”

“I  _cahh_ … cannot do anything!” Thor panics in a hushed tone. “L-Loki!” His nose is red and twitching. Loki marvels at the size of this twitching thing before finally taking action. He slips a long, thin finger under his brother’s nose and rubs expertly.

Thor exhales shakily. “Thank you. I feared I would surely—  _ahhHH!_ ” The sneeze has returned, full force, and Thor’s poor nose is itching like mad. In the cramped position they’re in, Loki can only do one thing. He gently places his hand over his brother’s mouth and nose.

He feel’s Thor’s hitching breath against his hand right before his explodes. “ _Hhh’ **NGTSshhh!**_ ” The first sneeze is muffled, but Loki’s stomach is still clenched tight in anticipation for the next one. It comes barreling out of Thor before long. “ _Hah’ **PSHuhhh!**_ ” This is not exactly going to plan.

With a last attempt to get Thor’s nose to quiet itself, Loki pinches his brother’s nose closed, tightly. He can tell Thor still has to sneeze by the way his eyes are watering and the uneven rises and falls of his chest. 

“Hold on,” Loki murmurs into his ear as he hears the guards walk away. As soon as Loki gives Thor the “go ahead,” the heir to the throne bursts out of the closet with a volley of sneezes.

“ _HehhK’ **SHHHH!**   **KSCHSHHH!**  Ehh… ehhHH! ESs’ **SHHOOO!**_ ” He rubs his ticklish nose on the back of his hand.

“My goodness!” Captain America exclaims. “It’s going to be a righteous challenge getting you out of here.”

“ _Loki!_ ”


	15. Allergic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Thor was allergic to cats.

“This can’t be right,” Jane Foster mumbled to herself. “According to my calculations—”

“‘According to my calculations’?” Darcy repeated, picking up her cat, Blondie. “Do you even know how nerdy that sounds?”

Jane rolled her eyes. “Seriously! These numbers are off the walls. The last time they were this sporadic, was in…”

“New Mexico?”

“Yeah,” Jane sighed. The last time she’d seen her… what was he to her? A friend? More than that? Well, the last time she had seen Thor was in New Mexico and then, he’d just taken off and was gone in the blink of an eye. He’d left her on to go to Asgard and never returned.

“Maybe it’s just the—” Darcy was rudely interrupted by the door being literally kicked down. She screamed loudly, causing Blondie to leap out of her lap. Upon hearing the scream, Thor flinched. “Oh, it’s just you.” Darcy laughed. “Whew! Sorry.”

“Thor.” Jane breathed his name like it was an expression of shock.

“Jane. I could not find you. You were not in your usual home.” He looked glorious as ever. Still very muscled, still very blonde, though his hair had grown longer.

“I was… I was, I am here.” She corrected herself awkwardly, stumbling into a standing position. “I… where the hell were you?”

Thor took two giant steps into the threshold while Darcy sat back to watch the opening show. “Many wars have broken out since we last spoke. I was forced to intervene and end the chaos.”

Before she even realized what she was doing, Jane ran into his arms. Thor caught her and welcomed the embrace, rubbing her back. “I am truly sorry for what I have put you through, Jane.”

“It’s ok-kay.” Her voice wavered and for a second, she feared she might cry. Instead, she buried her face in his chest. “I just missed you.”

Suddenly, he almost roughly pushed her away.

“Wh-what?” Jane stammered, stumbling backwards, more confused than ever. 

“Thor, if you don’t—”

He cringed and his eyes squeezed shut. “ _EhhH! **TCHCHSSSSH!**_ ” The sneeze was so powerful, Darcy could’ve sworn she felt the walls shudder.

Thor sniffed experimentally and rubbed his nose. “My apologies Jane, I did not want to…”

“I understand.” She smiled. “Bless you.”

He quirked an eyebrow. “I don’t under—  _huhhH’ **GHISSHHH!** Hahh… ahhH!_” His eyes were still closed but finally, he exhaled shakily. “My apologies, again. I thought I was going to sneeze once more.”

“Bless you, big boy.” Darcy giggled. “Big boy.”

Jane looked concerned. “Are you feeling okay?” She stepped forward and placed her hand on his forehead. “You don’t feel hot.”

“I just feel like…” Thor froze, his eyes glazing over. “Feel like… I’m going… t-to…  _hurr’ **ATCHSHHHH!**_ ” He sneezed harshly into his hands. “ _Iihhh! **ITSCHHHHH!**  Hhh’ **KISHHHH!** HhhHHH’ **KSHHSHHH!**_ ”

“Holy shit, Jane! He’s dying! Do something!” Darcy screeched. Somewhere, sounding like under the couch, Blondie meowed.

“Here, sit down!” Jane grabbed Thor by the arm and sat him on the couch. He still had one hand cover his nose. “I ab sorry Jade, do you have ady…  _ahh… ahhhH!_ ” He managed to stop the sneeze.

Jane nodded vigorously. “Right, right! Um, Darcy, can you get me a tissue box? Or a couple, maybe?”

“ _HehhH’ **IXXSHHH!**_ ”

“Yep!” Darcy disappeared and came back, carrying three boxes. “Here!”

“Thor…” Jane said slowly as he thoroughly blew his nose. “Are you allergic to anything?”

“Allergic?” Thor cocked his head. “I don’t understand.”

“Allergic,” Darcy said again, as if repeating the word would clarify things. “Like what makes you sneeze?”

“I sneeze when I am ill,” Thor told them. “However, you have already ruled out that p-possibility.  _ **ITCHSHHHH!**_ ”

Blondie peeked out from under the couch. Seeing her, Jane picked her up and placed the cat in her lap. “Then I really don’t know what would—”

“ _Hur’ **USHHHH!**  Ihh… ihHH!  **IXSHHHUHH!**  Ehh’ **KSHHHH!**  Huhh… huhhhH!_” Jane nearly leapt off the couch, taking Blondie with her, leaving Thor panting. He was desperate for a reprieve and was soon granted one. 

“ _ **TCHSCHHHHSHHH!**_ ”

“Bless you,” Jane said, quickly opening another box of tissues. Thor ripped a handful out and held them up to his face, his breath still hitching. “Thor, I think you might be allergic to cats.”


	16. Not Gonna Make It (Through the Day)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ek’ESSSSHHOOO!” Bruce sneezed into his hands and sniffled.
> 
> “Jesus, would you quit sneezing? You’re killing me Bruce. Come to bed.” He groaned, leading Bruce to the bedroom. “Hopefully this is one of those 24-hour colds.”

“So I was thinking, if I alter some of the coding in my suit—”

“ _Heh’ **ATSCHHHHH!**_ ”

The enormous sneeze caused Tony to jump in surprise, but he quickly cleared his throat and recovered. “Eh hem, bless you Bruce. Ehh... as I was saying, if I do that, then I could probably be able to access certain accounts without even logging on while I’m airborne. Since you’re a computer guy, maybe you could—”

“ _ **HUTSHCHHOOO!**_ ”

Tony peeked at Bruce from behind his glasses. The other man’s eyes were red-rimmed and bleary and his nose is twitched incessantly. 

“ _Suhh... suh hahh..._  s-sorry.” He sniffed finally. “Do you hab a tissue?”

“J.A.R.V.I.S. You hear that? Tissues.”

“Yes sir,” the machine replied politely as a box of tissues was lowered onto the table.

Bruce didn’t hesitate to grab one and bury his face in it. “ _Eh’ **TSHHHH!**_ ”

“Bless you,” Tony said, watching him struggle to control himself.

“Sorry, you were saying?”

“Maybe you could...” Tony studied Bruce’s face before continuing. His chapped nose was wiggling and he was trying very hard to fight off a sneeze. “Uhhh... maybe you could help me? With the coding?”

“Sure... Th-that’s it?”

There is no we he’s going to get through the day if Bruce keeps this up. “Yeah.”

“ _Hahh_.... okay.”

Tony felt like he was going to explode.  _Say something, anything._  “You okay?”  _Not that! Anything but that._

“Actually, I think I caught a cold somewhere.”

“What, while you were off smashing half of New York City?” As soon as the words left his mouth, Tony regretted them. “Sorry, you know I’m just kidding. You want some meds?”

“ _Ehhh... Eh’ **EHHSSHSHHOO!**_ No, thags, I’b fide.”

“Um, no decongestants, no nothing?”

“Thad’s a double degative.”

“You don’t want anything?”

“Bedder. Bud doe thags.” He rubbed his watering eyes. “Guhh, by dose t-tickles so  _buhhh_... buch ad id w-won’d stob.”

“Can I recommend some Nyquil?” J.A.R.V.I.S. inquired.

“Doe—”

“Yes,” Tony interrupted. “And I think Dr. Banner will be staying the night.”

Bruce squinted at Tony with his watery eyes. “St-stayig the dight?  _ **ETSCHHHH!**_ ”

“Well, I mean, you’re obviously sick and I wouldn’t want you to—”

“ _Heh’ **ATSCHHHHHOOO! ASSSHHHH!**  AHH!  **ETSHHHUU!**_ ”

“Let’s get you in bed.” Tony managed to croak out.

Bruce raised an eyebrow. “ _A-ahhh_... are y-you okay?”

“M-maybe. Maybe not.”

“ _Ek’ **ESSSSHHOOO!**_ ” Bruce sneezed into his hands and sniffled.

“Jesus, would you quit sneezing? You’re killing me Bruce. Come to bed.” He groaned, leading Bruce to the bedroom. “Hopefully this is one of those 24-hour colds.”

“I thing thad rule only applies for viruses.” Bruce informed him helpfully.

“Good God almighty.”


	17. Relax

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some brother fluff between sick!Loki and caring!Thor.

“Oh, brother,” Thor murmured, kneeling beside his brother. 

Loki coughed weakly until he was forced to shakily sit up, the cough rattling through his lungs. “Oh, go away,” he croaked. “I don’t need you.” 

“You’re very ill,” Thor said nervously, tucking a stray strand of hair behind his ear. “What do you need?”

“N-nothing—  _hh’ **NGXXT!**_ ” He sneezed and managed to pinch his nose shut, effectively stifling it. 

“Blessings.” 

Loki sighed, wriggling back down underneath the quilt. “Just let me be. I don’t like you seeing me in this mah… m-manner,” he said shakily, eyelids fluttering shut. 

“ _H-hihhh… heh’ **GNNT!**  Hah’ **SHHT!**_ ” Loki’s dark hair cascaded over his face as his head snapped forward with each sneeze.

“There is no judgement here, Loki,” Thor assured him, offering his brother a handkerchief. Loki begrudgingly accepted it. Soon enough, his eyes were watering again. 

“G-gods,” he gasped before sneezing again. “ _ **SSCHH!**  Heh’ **PSTCH!**_ This damned itch.” 

Thor stared at his brother’s forehead, beaded with sweat. He placed his giant hand over Loki’s forehead and his brother flinched. 

“Your brow is on fire,” Thor said, alarmed. 

“I am aware,” Loki said thickly. Thor started to remove his hand, but Loki caught his wrist. His grip was weak, but it was there all the same. 

“Wait,” he said. “Your skin… it’s cool to the t-touch.” 

Thor nodded. His muscles — which he didn’t even realize were clenched in alarm — began to relax as Loki’s eyes closed. 

“Do you want me to stay?” Thor asked.

The corners of Loki’s lips twitched and Thor accepted this as an answer.  


	18. Genius Billionaire Playboy Allergy-Suffering Philanthropist

“Okay, so maybe hiking wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had,” Rhodey said as the pair stopped to drink from their water bottles.

Tony took a shuddering breath before sneezing. “ _Hih’ **GNT!**  Heh’ **XXXT!**  H-ahh… hh’ **SSSHP!**_ ”

His eyes were watering fiercely, and every time he sneezed, his sunglasses inched further down the bridge of his nose. It was hard to look like a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist while his nose was running like a faucet. Tony swiped under his nostrils and sniffed against the back of his hand. “That’s an understatement.” 

“Well, I thought the fresh air would be good for you!” Rhodey said, sidestepping to avoid a rock. “Besides, you needed to get out of your workspace. You’ve been cooped up there for days.”

“For good reason,” Tony snapped. “The pollen count’s the  _hi-hihhh_ … highest it’s been all season.”

They continued to climb the twisting path upward, taking care to step over the many branches that littered the path. Every other step was punctuated with a sniffle. 

“How b-buch longer?” Tony asked thickly, pinching the bridge of his nose. His sinuses were beyond irritated, and every inhalation brought a wave of itching sensations.  “ _H-hihh_ … hah.”

Rhodey stopped to consult his map. “I actually think we’re almost there. I’m sure the view will be worth it. You gonna make it?”

Tony was furiously fanning the air in an effort to get himself to sneeze. His nostrils flared wildly. “ _Heh’ **TSH!**  Ah’ **NNGT!**  Ah-hhh… ah’ **PSHCH!**_ ” 

He felt Rhodey’s hand on his lower back and let out a shaky inhale. “Whew.”

“Bless,” the other man said as they continued on their way. “I think it’s just up here.”

When the pair finally got to the clearing, Tony stopped in his tracks. Rhodey was smiling, taking in the view. “See? Isn’t this beautiful?” He was gesturing to a clearing of sorts, near which a small waterfall cascaded into the pools below. Tony’s nose twitched.

“This? This half-visible waterfall is ‘the view’ you were talking about?” Tony sounded incredulous. “You really are a ro-romantic —  _heh’ **PTSCHH!**_ ”

“Bless.”


	19. More Illusions

Thor was standing at the door of Loki’s chambers, his head resting against the cool metal of the frame. “Loki, I cannot help you if you will not let me in.”

Silence.

Loki had been ill these past days and finally resulted in locking himself away in his private chambers. Thor understood the need for solitude, but it was the fact that he hadn’t seen Loki for three days that caused worry to eat at his insides.

“Loki, I demand you open this door!” Thor bellowed suddenly, banging on the frame with his fist.

“Leave me alone!” Loki shouted from within. He sounded… normal.

“Loki, open this door or I swear to all—”

Without warning, the door opened and Loki was standing on the other side of it, smiling. “Hello, brother.”

His eyes were bright, his hair washed and clean, and he looked in good spirits. But Thor was suspicious.

“Enough,” he said, barging into the room and pushing past his brother. “I know this is a result of your trickery.”

Thor blinked and the room had changed. Loki was no longer standing in front of him and the floor was littered with handkerchiefs, left and right. It took Thor a second to spot his brother, shivering and sweating in his sheets.

He briskly walked over to the bed and knelt by it. “Brother, what ails you?”

Before Loki could answer, he gave a hitching gasp and turned opposite Thor, sneezing into a handkerchief. “ _H-hih’ **NNGT! XXXT!**_ ”

“Blessings,” Thor said, peeling back his brother’s sheets to get a better look at his face. His skin shined with a light sheen of sweat and he obviously had a fever. “You are far too warm.”

Loki coughed. “I know. I don’t feel well.”

“Then why have you not called for me?”

His brother was silent, chest heaving, before he sneezed again: two painful stifles. “ _Hah’ **GGNTT!**  Hah’ **PSHT!**_ ”

Loki sniffled, pinching the bride of his nose, and sighed. “Because it’s humiliating. It’s humiliating to be weak, to not have the strength to leave my chambers, to be fevered, t-to have make the noises of some diseased, tiny  _ahhh_ … a-animal —  _hh’ **XXT!**_ ”

Thor brushed his brother’s sweaty hair back from his face. “It should not cause you torment, brother. Illness is a normality for most. Let me care for you.”

“N-not necessary,” Loki said, pressing a thin finger underneath his quivering nostrils. “ _H-hehh… ehhH! Eh’ **PSHH!**_ ”

“Bless, brother,” Thor told him, offering him a fresh handkerchief. 


	20. Discreet

“Rogers, we need to move,” Natasha hissed under her breath, discreetly nodding to some men milling around outside the Apple store. “They’re in civilian clothes.”

“Yeah, okay, well thanks anyway,” Steve said to the employee trying to show off the features of a Mac.

The pair breezed out the door, and Steve put his hood up. “Alright,” he spoke through his teeth. “There are two in front, two behind and three on either side. What do you suppose—”

“Just keep your head down. Now, laugh at something I just said.”

Steve let out a chuckle and quickened his step, but not before another salesperson got in his face. “Try the new Dolce & Gabbana, sir?”

Before he could let out a “no thank you,” the young man covered him in a fine mist of the cologne. Still walking and trying to get out of the cloud of perfume, Steve brought his hand up to his nose. 

“ _Huh’ **PCHOO!** H-huh’ **SHOO!**_ ”

Natasha shot him a side squint.”Steve, now really isn’t the time for—”

“ _Ah’ **SHUHH!**_ ” He nearly doubled over with the force of it. The man straightened back up and rubbed his nose fiercely.”I know, I’m really  _s-suhhh.._. s-sorry,” he sniffled.

All of a sudden, Natasha turned towards him, eyes bright with an idea. “Kiss me.”

“Wh-what? Now?” Steve asked, eyes watering.”I don’t think that’s such a good idea, I still really have to— He sniffled again, trying to alleviate the itch in his sinuses.

“Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable,” she informed him before grabbing his collar and pulling him into a hasty kiss. Sure enough, Brock Rumlow subconsciously glanced away, though Steve could still hear him talking to his men.

“We’re gonna catch this guy if it’s the last thing you guys do. You hear me? Find them,” Rumlow hissed into his walkie-talkie. “This isn’t gonna be another failure, especially on my part.”


	21. Airplane Joys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can’t believe you opted for one of these crowded, peasant-infested airplanes—” Tony grumbled before being interrupted by Bruce.
> 
> “You mean a typical Delta flight?”

“I can’t believe you opted for one of these crowded, peasant-infested airplanes—” Tony grumbled before being interrupted by Bruce.

“You mean a typical Delta flight?”

“—as opposed to a nice, calm, quiet flight on one of my privat—” Tony continued before being interrupted. Again.

“Tony, I’m practicing. A well-respected doctor—”

“Quack.”

“Doctor,” the other scientist corrected before continuing. “Recommended this exposure therapy. It actually seems to be pretty logical. I mean, I haven’t... freaked out. Yet. And you’re right, this place is noisy and crowded, perfect for my—”

“ _Hh’ **NGGNT!**_ ” Tony pitched forward with a half-stifled sneeze, quickly straightening back up and sniffling. “Excuse me.”

Bruce nodded. “Bless you.”

Tony’s eyes watered and he felt the familiar signs of an on-coming fit in his sinuses. He snatched an unused napkin right out of Bruce’s hand and clamped the thing to his nose. “ _Huh’ **PCHHH!**  Hahh... hehH! hah’ **SHHHT!**  Nh’ **NKKKT!**_ ”

“You okay there?”

“F-fide,” Tony stammered, waving him off. “Just a ti—  _ **SHOO!** Hup’ **SCHHH!**_ ” He sniffled and rubbed his nose roughly with his wrist. “I thing id’s thad damb woban’s perfube.” He broke off to sneeze once more in the napkin.

“Jeez, bless you.”

At the same time, they heard a bunch of small, obviously fake imitated sneezes. The two men turned around curiously to see a toddler, obviously bored that his mother had gone to sleep, pretending to sneeze like Tony had been.

“Great, he things id’s a fr-freakig joke,” Tony snapped, pressing his knuckle hard under his nose.

Bruce chuckled. “I mean, it’s kinda funny. Plus, he’s what? Four? Five? Let him have his fun.”

The small boy broke off in a fit of giggles as Tony whipped around.

“I kdow thad was y-you!”

The toddler smiled and shook his head no.

“Yes id was you l-little  _liahhh_... _ **ISHOO!** Hahh... hahH! Hh’ **SHPP!**_ ”

“Bless you!” the kid chirped, nearly shrieking with laughter.

“Yes, ha ha,” Tony muttered, blowing his nose.

“You wanna trade seats with somebody?” Bruce asked politely. “I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.”

“Doe, doe, he  _luhh_... l-loves id. Christ Albight-ty— nn’ **CHOO!** I _h-hh... heh’ **GNNT!**_ ”


	22. A Lovely Lecture

Bruce Banner realized about 10 minutes into class that he should have never, ever accepted the teaching opportunity. 

Him, giving lectures to aspiring students? A solid enough plan, sure. Him, attempting to lecture while suffering from the cold from Hell? Right, an excellent plan... if he was trying to make a fool of himself.

“Nuclear energy, as all of you know, is a very—” His breath caught and he furiously rubbed his nose, begging his nose not to betray him now. “—a very crucial form of energy that can be harvested easier than one would th-think.”

Damn it all to hell. Bruce shuffled awkwardly away from the microphone and dove into the crook of his arm. “ _Hih’ **ESHOO!**  Hahh... h-hehh!  **ISHOO!**_ ”

It seemed the entire lecture hall responded with an astounding “bless you!” The lecturer felt color rise to his cheeks. He cleared his throat and continued, knowing full well that somewhere in the front row, Tony was staring at him.

“In fact, tw-twenty percent of our country’s electricity is provided by  _n-nuhh_... nuclear power plants.” 

As soon as he began another sentence, the students in turn began feverishly note-taking.  _This isn’t even the good stuff,_  he thought, a hint of a smile playing at his lips. “Anyone know why that n-number isn’t  _h-hihh_... um, excuse me, why it isn’t higher?” 

He pinched the bridge of his nose, saying a silent pray to whatever god was listening that he wouldn’t sneeze. “Okay, yes?” Bruce pointed to a boy in the second row who had raised his hand.

“People hear the word ‘nuclear’ and are afraid. It has a negative connotation due to the few nuclear power plant melt downs which occurred decades ago.”

Bruce felt his eyes watering and knew it was inevitable. He pinched his nose shut, his head bobbing with each sneeze. “ _H-hihh’ **NNGT!**  Hap’ **SHHHH!** Hh’ **NNCH!**_ ” 

His head spun and suddenly, Bruce felt light-headed.  _Fuck, this cannot be happening._ He stumbled away from the microphone, pinching the bridge of his nose. A hand on his back made him start.

“Annnnd that’s about all the time Dr. Banner has today. Questions? No? Alright.” Tony led him off the stage and out of the auditorium. Just as the door closed, they could hear the professor continuing with the lecture. 

“Nice going hot shot. Still feeling dizzy?”

Bruce shivered a bit and shook his head no.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Thad was hubiliating. I’b never doing thad agaid.  _H-huhhh... **ETSCHSHOO!**_ ”

“Bless you, Big Guy. I’ll drive,” Tony offered, patting his friend on the back.


	23. 33%

“Clind!” Tony shouted from the couch, flipping through television channels.

“What?” Clint asked. “I’m in the kitchen, you don’t have to yell.”

“I deed to borrow your phode charger.” 

“Psh. No.”

Tony frowned. “You bean ‘yes’.”

“Why should I?” he replied nonchalantly.

“Because I’b ad 33%,” Tony sniffed thickly. “Ad I’b sig.” 

As if to prove this point, he flicked the tip of his nose, which instead of relieving the itch, intensified it. “Oh-hoo  _sh-shiihhhh._.. shit.”

Clint smiled knowingly. “Should I bring the tissues in there?”

“ _Y-yehhh_... yes,” Tony said breathily before lunging into a sneezing fit. “ _Huh’ **SHOO!**  Heh’ **SHHP!**  Ahh... ah’ **SHHHT!**_ ” 

He usually sneezed in three’s and this was no exception. 

“Bless you.” Clint tossed the box at him on the emphasis of ‘you’. “That cold is kicking your ass, Stark.”

“Id is dot,” the other man argued, blowing his nose forcefully. 

“Uh huh. You’re just sneezing your head off and shaking like a leaf for fun.”

“I could be. You dever kdow.” He wrapped an afghan around his shoulders and leaned into the couch, making room for Clint, who sat down beside him. 

“You’re lucky I even came over to take care of you.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “I didn’t ask you to. You just kind of showed up.”

“Oh, right,” Clint said, getting up. “I guess I just go then.”

“No!” Tony said, a few milliseconds too quickly. 

He was frantically thinking of something clever to combat it with when he sinuses started prickling. His face when a bit slack and his eyelids started fluttering. 

“Bless you!”

Tony opened his eyes, surprised, and lost the sneeze. “Oh, screw you!”

Clint broke down laughing. “It’ll come back, you’re sick.” 

“ _N-nahhh_... not funny.”

“See? It’s already teasing you.”

“ _Ahhh... hahh... hahhHH!_  God dammit,” Tony sighed, frustrated. 

“Why don’t you do that thing that you did earlier?” Clint suggested. 

“What thing? What’re you talking about?”

“You know... this?” Clint flicked the end of his reddened nose and watched as Tony’s eyes watered. 

“H-holy shii-shiit... I’ve gotta—  _hah’ **SHOO!**  Heh’ **ESHOO!** Hur’ **SHH!**_ ” 

He let off a few rapid-fire sneezes and then dizzily opened his eyes. 

“Yeah, you’re welcome.” Clint smirked, changing the channel. 


	24. American Idol

“Oh my god. I can finally die in peace,” Scott Lang gushed as he stared into the face of Steve Rogers, who smiled sheepishly. 

“It’s nice meeting you, too.” He offered his hand, which Scott immediately grasped and shook it a few seconds too long.

“No, I mean, like… since I was a boy. I wanted to grow up to be like you, saving the world. Being a hero.”

“Looks like you’ve pretty much accomplished that goal,” Steve said, smiling. 

“Well, thanks. I try but—  _hh’ **GNNT!**_ ” 

He quickly turned away from the man and stifled a sneeze between his thumb and forefinger. “Excuse me, I’m—  _heh’ **ESHHP!**_ ”

“God bless you,” Steve told him politely. 

“Sorry,” Scott sniffed. “I’m getting over a cold.” 

His watery eyes widened. “Oh, God. Maybe I shouldn’t have shook your hand.”

Steve shook his head. “Don’t be! I think I’d be able to handle a cold.” 

“Right, right, of course. I just — oh, for the love of —  _hur’ **ESHHH**! Heh’ **XXXT!**  Hahhh… ahhH! Ah’ **SHHHT!**_ ”

“Bless.” Concern was written all over Steve’s face. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

“Yeah, I’b sorry, by d-dose is jusd being a  _hehhh_ … b-being a bidch.” He gasped, eyes watering again. “ _Ehhh_ … e-excuse b-be,” Scott said breathily before pinching his nose. 

“ _Hahh… heh’ **TSH!**  Ah’ **SHHHHH**!_”

“Here,” Steve said, pressing a handkerchief into the other man’s shaky hands. “You need this more than I do.”

Scott accepted the piece of fabric, then studied it through his teary eyes. “B-bud… I cad’t. This has your iditials od id.”

“Keep it,” Steve said with a kind smile. “And take care of that cold.”


	25. Defining Shades of Grey

“ _Hh’ **ISH!**  Heh’ **TSHH!**_ ” Natasha sneezed twice, her red hair flying into her face as she snapped forward. 

It was 5 a.m. and Clint was barely awake. He opened his eyes and turned toward the woman in his bed. “Oh Nat...” 

Her face was flushed with a light tinge of pink and her nostrils were red around the edges. She was sniffling and trying to keep her nose from running. 

“Need a tissue?” he asked kindly, trying to wake up.

“No,” she croaked, then cleared her throat and winced. “No.”

He handed her a few anyway and she blew her nose gently. Clint took the opportunity to feel her forehead while she was occupied. “You’ve definitely got a fever. Jesus, and a high one at that.”

She tossed the tissue onto the floor and shifted uncomfortably. “I’m hot.” 

He had never seen her like this, fevered and whining. Clint didn’t quite no what to do. “Kick the blankets off?”

“But then I’ll be c-cold,” she argued before snapping forward again with two more harsh sneezes. “ _ **TSSSH** ’huh!  **ESHOO!**_ ”

“Bless you, Nat. Your throat hurt?”

She nodded miserably and for a second he thought she was going to start crying. That truly frightened him. But she didn’t. Instead, she sighed and got into a seated position. 

“I’ve killed so many people.”

Clint didn’t know how to respond. “Just lie down, you need to rest.”

“People that might’ve had lives outside of their job, with families. Kids even. Ahhh... an-and I killed th-them—  _huh’ **SHHSH!**_ ”

Clint found her hand underneath the blankets and held it tight. “You can’t think like that. There are shades of grey.”

“Shades of grey?” she asked hoarsely. “There are no shades of grey in murder.”

“You’re not a murderer.”

She laughed harshly. “But I—”

“Natasha.”

She stopped to look at him, then squinted. 

“Are you gonna—?”

She nodded quickly before sneezing into cupped hands. “ _Hh’ **TISHOO! TSSSH!**  Heh’ **SHH!**_ ”

“Bless you.” Clint pressed a few tissues into her hands. “Blow, you’ll feel better.”

She did. He watched her carefully, nostrils flaring, eyes glassy, forehead glimmering with sweat. 

She was very sick and that also made him nervous. He swung his legs out of bed and heard her sneeze again when he was in the bathroom. He came back with a cool towel and ice water, putting the latter on the night stand. Clint placed the cloth on her forehead and she involuntarily sighed. 

“Go back to sleep, Tasha. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

She nodded and closed her eyes. And he was there for her, when she woke up twice more, from horrifying fever dreams. And he stayed with her as she fell back asleep. 


	26. Dead Wrong

Scott Lang was always getting sick. He was convinced his immune system hated him and there was nothing anyone could do or say to convince him otherwise.

“ _Heh’ **ASSCHHHH!**_ ” he sneezed lazily into his shoulder and sniffled. He was wrapped up in one of Tony’s afghans, lying on the couch. 

“God bless you,” Steve replied from the chair adjacent to him. “Need anything?”

“Doe, I’b fide. You guys shouldn’t habe cobe over.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “You’re right, Lang. And if I catch your stupid cold, you’ll regret it, truly.” 

The comment earned a very disapproving look from Steve.

“Well,” Scott sniffled, rubbing his red nose. “I could’ve taken care of byself. You guys didn’t h-habe  _t-tahhh —_   _hh’ **SHHH!**_  — visit b-be.” 

A shiver wracked his body and the Avengers present pretended not to notice. 

“Bless,” Natasha called from the kitchen. 

“See, that’s where you’re wrong. You can hardly get off the couch without feeling dizzy,” Steve pointed out, abruptly catching a whiff of the soup Natasha was preparing. 

“That soup smells great,” he called back. 

Scott smiled through his bleary eyes. “Yeah, id smells really good. Can’t waid to try sobe.”

“Oh, don’t pretend like you can smell it. We all know you can’t,” Tony quipped, winking. 

Scott’s cheeks flushed as red as his nose. “Well b-baybe I  _c-cahhh_...  _shitgod_ —  _hah’ **RARSHHH!**_ ”

“Bless you,” Steve said earnestly. 

“And blow your nose,” Tony told him, tossing him a large box of tissues.


	27. Better than a Breakup

After eating his soup, courtesy of Natasha, Scott was finally convinced into bed.

He was attempting to get some rest, however, it appeared impossible. Tony had left with Natasha, because they had better things to do.  _They were superheroes for God’s sake,_  Scott reminded himself; Steve was watching over him and reading his copy of “To Kill a Mockingbird.” 

The sounds of paper pages being flipped made Scott sleepy, but every time he drifted off, a sneeze would bring him back to consciousness. 

“ _Hep’ **SHHHH!**_ ” He sneezed into the duvet, looking dazed, then doubled over again. “ _Hehh... h-hah’ **SHHH!**_ ”

“Bless you,” Steve said, not looking up from the novel. 

Without warning, Clint Barton opened the bedroom door. 

Steve was on his feet instinctively, but relaxed when he recognized the familiar face. “Clint.” 

The other man nodded back at Steve and surveyed the room. 

“Mr. Bartod!” Scott cleared his throat to hide his excitement. “Id’s dice to see you agaid.” 

“Jesus, Lang,” Clint chuckled, eyeing the dozens of tissues that littered the floor. “You goin’ through a break-up or something?”

“I’b—  _huh’ **RESHHOO!**_ ”

“He’s got a pretty bad headcold,” Steve informed him, continuing to read. 

“Well, I’m sorry to hear that,” Clint said. “Do you need anything?”

“Baybe  _uhh.... uhhH! Whew._ Baybe a  _t-tiihhh_... for  _f-fuhhh._.. f-fuck’s sake,” Scott wheezed, obviously fighting a strong sneeze. “ _ **HASHOO!** Hup’ **SHUHHH!**_ ” 

He sneezed into his hands and blindly reached for the hand sanitizer. 

“Bless—” Clint started to say, but was cut off by another sneeze.

“ _Hur’ **EESHHOO!**_  Cad sobe od pass be sobe  _t-tihhh_... tissues?” He had a finger under his nose, keeping future sneezes at bay.

Clint gently tossed the box into his hand. “Of course, bud.”


	28. The Man with the Plan

“Captain? Uh, Captain America?” Scott’s voice rang out from Steve’s landline.

“Scott?”

“You remembered my name! Wow, he remembered my... oh, well, anyway. Um. Okay.”

 _Jeez, this guy is scrambled,_ Steve thought.  _Wait, how’d he even get my home phone number?_

“So,” he continued. “My daughter Cassie is having a birthday party. She’s turning 7, you know how kids are with their... ages. Uh...”

Steve wrinkled his nose and chuckled lightly. “Okay, let me guess. You want me to do a cameo at her birthday party?” 

He waited for the gasp at the other end of the line and wasn’t disappointed. “Oh, yeah! That’d be great. It would make my— or, y’know, her day. Shit, I’m sorry I’m making this so awkward.”

“No, no, don’t w-worry about it.” Steve’s voice caught as a sneeze snuck up on him, but he was able to fend it off, for now. “I’ll be there. When is it?”

“Well, it’s this afternoon.”

 _Great._ “Okay, no problem.”

Scott smiled on the other line. “Thanks so much, Cap. It means a lot, really.”

He couldn’t hold it back any longer. “ _Ofcourse_ —  _hep’ **SHHH!**_ ” 

Steve quickly hung up the phone, embarrassed. He’d better suit up. 

* * *

By the time Steve arrived at Scott’s modest home, he was shivering with chills. He was quickly deteriorating and hoped to whoever was listening that Scott wouldn’t notice. 

He knocked on the door with his knuckles and heard Scott before he saw him.   
“Cassie, someone’s here for your party!”

Scott opened the door with a flourish and almost recoiled. Steve’s hair was less than perfect for once. His nose looked red and his cheeks were tinged pink. If he wasn’t mistaken, Scott could swear he saw the other man shiver underneath his suit. 

“Jesus! You look awful,” he whispered as Cassie came barreling around the corner. Her pink princess dress required her to grab fistfuls of the fabric as she ran. 

“Captain America!” she gasped as she skidded to an unsteady stop. 

He saluted her, smiling. “At your service, Princess Cassie.”

She giggled, her curls bouncing. Then, smiling up at him, she grabbed his wrist. “C’mon, we have cake! Come on.”

Scott grabbed his other arm, stopping him. “Cas, he’ll be there in a sec, ‘kay? Let me talk to him for a little.” 

Cassie obeyed, skipping into the kitchen. 

“Dude! Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?”

Steve sighed and rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I just w-wanted to help out.” 

He rubbed his nose as inconspicuously as he could. “Besides, I only started feeling bad this morning. R-really, I’m fine.” 

His nostrils flared, betraying him. 

“Oh, really?” Scott stood with one hand on his hip and the other gesturing to Steve’s nose. 

Steve blinked blearily, then nodded forward. “ _Hur’ **SHHP!** Heh’ **NNNGT!**_ ”

“Bless you,” Scott sighed. “You know I wouldn’t have asked you to do this, had I known.”

Steve waved him off. “Seriously, it’s no big  _d-dehh._..  _heh’ **SHOO!**_ ” 

The sneeze came on so suddenly, he forgot to hold it in. It shook his figure and he stumbled a bit, almost dropping his shield.

“Okay, you made your appearance. Now, go home and get some rest.” Scott stopped and smacked his head. “What am I thinking?! You can’t drive home. You’re sick and... sweaty.”

Steve rubbed his forehead subconsciously. “I cad drive,” he told Scott thickly.  

“Right. Why don’t you just sleep in my bed for a bit? Just take a nap.”

“Scott, really. I dod’t deed a dap.”

“You can’t pronounce your n’s.” 

This made Steve blush. “I appreciate your concerd, bud—”

“C’mon,” Scott said, pulling Steve into the stairwell. 

Steve’s sinuses prickled and he snapped forward with a desperate sneeze. “ _Heh’ **SHKKT!**_ ”

“And stop holding those in,” Scott instructed.


	29. Unbreakable

“Aren’t you ever bored of being so nice and polite?” Tony asks, rolling his eyes as Rhodey types out another perfectly worded, polite email.

They’re drinking wine together on a Friday night in at Tony’s request. Rhodey knows Tony’s had a long week (what made it so long for him, Rhodey doesn’t know) and doesn’t mind spending a night in, as long as he can clean out his inbox.

Tony sips on his glass of merlot delicately — savoring the notes of plum and clove — and licks his bottom lip as he swallows. “You almost done? I want to watch  _The Bachelor._ ”

“That show is such shit and you know it,” Rhodey laughs, quickly deleting one last email.

With shaking hands, Tony sits his glass back on the table and starts hitching.

“ _H-hihhh… hih’ **TSCHEW!**_ ”

His sneezes sound relatively feminine, so much so that Rhodey cracks a smile. “Bless y—”

But Tony’s not done. “ _Heh’ **SSSCHEW!** Hahhh… ahhH!  **TSSH!**_ ”

Tony sniffles, delicately rubs at his nose and looks at Rhodey with fiercely watering eyes. “It’s the w-wine.”

At this point, Rhodey can barely focus, but he’s trying to focus on the words Tony’s saying to him as opposed to Tony’s sneezes, which for some reason, he finds irresistible.

“The wine?”

 _Focus, focus,_ Rhodey thinks to himself, wearing a successful poker face.

Tony nods blearily, his mouth stretching open again. “B-Banner said it could be the sulfites or  _hihhhh_ … h-histamines in the wine, but he’s not —  _hah’ **TSSSHEW!**  _— he’s not s-sure.”

“Bless you,” Rhodey says, almost breathlessly.

With a sudden, gasping breath, Tony’s nostrils quiver and send him into a quick fit, desperately trying to expel an irritant that isn’t there. “ _Ahh… ahH! Hah’ **TSHH!**  Hh’ **TSCHEW!** Hh’ **TSH!**  Hehhh… ehhH!  **TSSSH!**_ ”

The last sneeze prompts Tony to blindly grope around the table for tissues, knocking the wine bottle to the tiled floor.

“Shit,” he hears Rhodey say, but Tony snatches a tissue out of the box and waves him away.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Tony says, sniffling. “I made these wine glasses unbreakable for a reason.” 


	30. Unsettling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mysterio's simulation affects him in ways he found... unsettling.

“You took everything from me! This is for my family!”

The recording’s volume nearly shook the walls, but Quentin Beck waved his hand dismissively. “One more time.”

_“You took everything from me! This is for my family!”_

The employees watched on as the simulation expanded to include lightning.

“Pause, pause,” Beck shouted over the roar of the advanced projector drones.

As the engineer stopped the illusion, Beck awkwardly cleared his throat and sniffled.

“Sorry, uh, could you just fast-forward to the end? Thanks.” He sniffled, sinuses suddenly overcome with a foreign itch. “ _Ah’ **TSSSHUH!** Hh’ **TSSHHH!**_ ”

“Bless you!” the group of employees chorused.

Ignoring them, he continued. “Yeah, yeah, perfect. OK, so I’m not — _hah’ **TSHHHAH!**_ ” The sneeze didn’t truly catch him off guard, but it was alarming, nonetheless. He hardly ever sneezed.

“Excuse me,” he said briefly before continuing. “I’m not in love with choreography, but I guess it’ll d-do. Kill _thahhh_ … th-the image.”

Beck scrubbed furiously at his irritated nose, tears beginning to well up in his eyes. _What the fuck was up with him?_

“Go ahead and decloak drones. Cool. Weapons?”

“You want to weaponize?” the tech clarified, an eyebrow raised.

God, could this take any longer? “Yup.”

“Alright, weapons only. Standby.”

A group of the drones transformed as they swan-dived toward the illusion, firing as they went. The others followed in pursuit but he already knew he was going to sneeze again.

“St-stop,” Beck choked out before doubling over with two harsh sneezes. “ _H-heh’ **DTSSSSHUH! TZSSSSHHH!**_ ”

As the mist swirled around him, Beck realized his mistake. God fucking dammit. “ _M-mihhh_ … m-mist off!” he snapped, pinching his nostrils shut. “It’s the fucking mist. I’m _ahhh_ … a-allergic to the g-goddamn — _hah’ **TSSSSHAH!**_ — goddamn mist.”


	31. Out for a Drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony is terribly allergic to Steve's cologne.

“Hey, will you pull up a GPS on your phone or something?”

Steve and Tony are driving through Nevada in search of a nice restaurant to stop and grab a bite to eat at. They haven’t been driving for long, but the low growl coming from Tony’s stomach says it all.

“Sure thing, champ,” Tony quips. “There’s a seafood place just a few miles from here. Five stars.”

“Mmm, great,” Steve murmurs, digging through the console with one hand, his other hand placed firmly on the steering wheel.

“What’re you looking for?”

Steve grins. “A-ha!”

He grabs a tiny bottle of cologne and shows it off to Tony, still grinning. “Nat got this for me for Christmas and I’ve just been waiting for a good occasion to use it.”

Tony shrugs, truthfully disinterested. But he’d be lying if he didn’t admit that he loved the way Steve’s eyes seem to sparkle when excited. As Steve sprays the cologne in his general direction, one-handedly, Tony feels a warmth in his chest, just knowing Steve is happy in this moment. The warmth, however, soon transforms into a different feeling.

“Ooh,” Tony says, suddenly scrubbing at his nose. “I think I’m g-gonna—  _heh’ **GNNNT!**_ ” He stifles a tiny sneeze into his thumb and forefinger, rubbing roughly at his nostrils afterwards.

“Bless you,” Steve offers, dropping the bottle of cologne back into the middle compartment. “How many miles do we have?”

“A-about 1.5,” Tony says as his breath catches. He puts a finger under his flaring nostrils and Steve can’t tell if he’s trying to hold it back or coax it out.

“ _H-hihh… hihhH! Hh’ **XXXXT!** Hap’ **SHHHH!**_ ” The sneezes come barreling out of Tony, not giving him enough time to stifle properly. He gasps and quickly rubs underneath his nose, which is quickly turning pink. His eyes are watering fiercely and  _God, if his nose isn’t running like a faucet._

Steve gives a him a quick side glance. “You okay?”

Tony’s sniffling repeatedly, trying to keep his runny nose at bay, but it’s just making the tickle worse. “I’m —  _heh’ **KNNNT! TSSHHH!** Hahhh… hahH! Hap’ **XXXT!**_ ” The sneezes keep coming and at this point, Tony’s blindly groping around in the glove compartment, frantically searching for a tissue or some napkins.

“Ch-Christ,” he gasps, pressing a handful of napkins to his twitching nose. “ _H-heh’ **TSCHOOO!**_ ” 

  
“That’s the loudest I think I’ve heard you sneeze.”

“ _Ehh… h-hihhhH! Hoo_ ,” Tony lets out a shaky breath. “Th-they’re  _tehhhh_ … t-teasing me.”

It takes the both of them far too long to figure out that it’s Steve’s new cologne that’s wreaking havoc on Tony’s sinuses. After about 12 more sneezes, Tony’s eyes are red-rimmed and watery, and Steve’s feeling guilty for not realizing sooner.

“I’m so sorry,” Steve tells him, frantically rolling down the car’s windows. “I’m sure this will help.”

“Y-you  _mihhh… hh’ **TSSSHP!**_ You missed your turn,” Tony mutters, snuffling into the handful of napkins.

“I don’t care,” Steve says in response, handing Tony his handkerchief.


	32. Wake Up Slow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's got a nasty cold (and he's embarrassed about it) and Steve makes French toast.

“Ready for some coffee?” Steve asks Tony when he finally pads into the kitchen, mouth stretched into a wide yawn.

Tony sniffles and paws at his nose, still half-asleep. “Mmhmm.” 

Warm coffee does sound good. A warm bed wouldn’t hurt either. Tony knew he’d been coming down with something after the past few days and as of this morning, the cold had officially taken up residence in his head. 

He can feel it’s going to be a nasty, hell of a cold, and that makes him all the more anxious. Though Steve teased him, calling him melodramatic, Tony despised the kind of attention a bad cold warranted: the chest-rattling cough, ever-watering eyes, red nose and worse of all, the copious sneezing he was TK to stop. 

As the coffee finishes brewing, Tony can feel the beginnings of a sneeze creep up his sinuses, making him feel panicked.

“How’d you sleep?” Steve asks, his back toward Tony.

Tony’s nostrils flare dramatically and he quickly pinches the sneeze off for a silent stifle. Before he can answer, the urge returns and Tony bobs forward with another completely silent sneeze.

Though he didn’t hear it, Steve turns to see why Tony hasn’t answered him. Tony’s eyes are watering fiercely and he nonchalantly swipes a finger under his nose. 

“Oh, I slept good,” he says with a sheepish smile. “Sorry, still asleep.” 

Steve sets a steaming cup of coffee in front of Tony. “Problem solved.” 

As Tony sips, Steve starts opening cupboards, looking for the vanilla extract. “How about some French toast?”

“Sounds great.” 

Tony’s hardly paying attention at this point. It seems like everything he does makes him want to sneeze more: the way he tilts his head, a stray gust from the air conditioner. He gently rubs the tip of his nose in a vain attempt to alleviate the tickle, but ends up inducing a sneeze on accident. 

The first sneeze is completely silent, thanks to Tony’s thumb and forefinger. The second, follow-up sneeze betrays him. “ _H-hih’ **KNNT!**_ ” 

It’s a squeaky stifle and Steve looks at him in surprise. “Bless you!” 

Tony feels his face flush in embarrassment and takes a sip of his coffee to play it off. “Thadks.”  _Fuck._

Steve stares at him. “You’re awfully congested this morning.” 

“Id’s just because id’s the—” He’s about to say “morning” before he realizes how congested he is. “—id’s just early, thad’s all.” 

Tony sniffles against the back of his hand, begging his nostrils to stop twitching. 

“Still have to sneeze?” Steve’s voice is sympathetic, but Tony’s in absolute agony. 

“B-baybe,” Tony says with a gasp. “ _HahH! Heh’ **XXXT! TSHHHOO!**  Guh._” He stifles the first against his knuckles and as the tickle comes rearing back full force, catches the last in his hand. He can feel his cheeks burning and it’s not from fever. 

“Bless you,” Steve clucks. “You comin’ down with something?” 

Tony gives him a watery smile before his breath catches again. “B-baybe.” 


End file.
